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The Hitmans Wifes Bodyguard. Like mirrors, sunglasses, and beer koozies, mindless summer entertainment is the basis of a warm climate. But the act of not thinking is its own act of knowing. We all have a limited amount of time to spend, not just in summer but also throughout life. Do you really want to spend your hard-earned money on The Bodyman’s Wife’s Hitman?
The Hitmans Wifes Bodyguard
The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard, created by Patrick Hughes and starring Samuel L. Jackson and Ryan Reynolds, respectively, a man with a badass and a security guard assigned to protect him, was a hit in the summer of 2017, the kind of movie you broadcast when you need to leave the heat, your spouse, your woes day by day. Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard is very similar – but smaller.
Reynolds and Jackson return: Reynolds’ troubled goofball full of anxiety Michael Bryce is still embarrassed, as he has failed to protect a key client — it was Darius Kincaid as Jackson himself who caused the death.
On the advice of his doctor, Bryce chose to take a vacation, hoping to make peace with his new man, not the security guards. (When his therapist, after several attempts, finally suggests a holiday in the way he likes, his face shines: “Capri – like pants!”) But before he can find time to settle down by the water with a copy of The Secret’s book, Darius’ wife, Sonia as Salma Hayek, suddenly appear declared, cleavage, and gunfire. Darius needs Bryce’s help, and he sends for him. He will not take the answer.
This alone can be the basis for an adequate game of the mindless brain. But what follows is bad for calming down, rather than giving positive results to rejuvenate your tired brainpower, it consumes your will for life. The villain at this time is an unhappy Greek nobleman named Aristotle Papadopolous – played by Antonio Banderas, in a pair of brocade jackets that heals the process at least a little – who is angry all over Europe and wants to show who the boss is.
The overcrowded building also features INTERPOL fraudulent agents and Morgan Freeman, who appears to be joking, as the star’s father-in-law, Bryce’s bodyguard, now retired from a villa in Tuscany.
Meanwhile, cars are speeding along the highways of ancient Italian cities, and many people are being blamed for the bullets. This is what you are here for, isn’t it? Enter ‘Reynold’s naif’ like “who am I?” mien and trademark pantomime for impatience with hostility, and all should include in at least one more adequate. There’s also Hayek, the presence of firefighters, who are often the most fun to watch: he has amazing jokes about him, which is the most critical thing in the universe.
But in The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard — written, to name a few, by Tom O’Connor, Brandon Murphy, and Phillip Murphy, based on O’Connor’s characters – hung in a worrying section that included Sonia and Darius desire to conceive a child. Darius feels embarrassed and ashamed – wrong, he is sure, lying in his wrong tent. Meanwhile, Sonia talks, in broken English, about her vagina. If anyone can make this annoying thing funny, it’s Hayek – but even if he can’t redeem it.
Sometimes the mood of a dumb act can work just as well as a one-off, especially if its writers and director can dispel the illusion that they don’t have to work hard to get our laughter off. But Hitman’s Bodyguard’s The Bodyman Wife is all a work in progress and no payday. Even in the entertainment industry, no one should feel compelled to grab a shot.
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